|
[14 Aug 2007|01:12pm] |
this summer has been nothing but work. it blows. in fact i should be getting ready to go to work right now but stupid LJ distracted me. this is my 7th day without a day off. now i know that doesn't sound so bad to some people but with my job i'm not supposed to have to work more than 5 without out a day off. the only reason i worked yesterday was because there was no one to cover or another girl so the re wrote the fucking schedule so that i was actually scheduled so i couldn't tell them to fuck off.
i'll be glad with school starts up again just because it will be something else for me to do with my time. i'm actually taking web design like every one has been telling me to do for years. go me. i'm also taking some other boring stuff but as i'm sure everyone else will be doing i'll have a big ass update for that.
time away from kevin is killing us. i expected it to hurt, i expected to miss him but i didn't expect it to be like this. i don't want to have to wait until november when he moves out here i want him here now. long distance sucks balls.
much love
mel.
|
|
| gone away |
[18 Jul 2007|10:40am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 lonely |
] |
fuck i thought it hurt when Kevin broke my heart nearly 2 years ago but now that we've admitted how much we love each other it's killing me that he had to leave. i thought i was ok this morning because i didn't break down into tears when i woke up and he wasn't there but the second i ran into one of my room mates and he said "you don't sound happy, what's wrong?" and i looked at him like are you fucking kidding me and he thought it had something to do with the other room mate *shrugs* i just walked away saying i was just sad. see my room mates are so wrapped up in there own drama there really isn't anything they can do to be there for me yet i'm constantly there for them. anyway i miss him like all hell and i don't know if i can stop crying just yet. shit i broke down into tears hours before he was leaving and then again as he was boarding the bus. but we keep telling ourselves that it's only 3 months. but like he says "three months with out you is three months of hell"
much love
mel.
|
|
| when juggalos get together |
[16 Jul 2007|12:18am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 loved |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Twiztid |
] |
wow it's nice to have internet again. i broke my power cord a few months ago so obviouly i had no computer. but i got a free cord via my friend michal so yay for being back ^_^
work is still stupid they were trying to fire me but can't because it's a long ass process since i'm part of the union but it's getting better i'm not getting yelled at every two seconds for shit everyone is doing.
i finally bagged the guy i've been after for nearly 3 years now. he came out to visit and has been living in my bed for the last 13 days lol. it's been weird and amazing. he finally told me he loves me which is nice since i've pretty much been in love with the fucker for the last 2 years. we decided to go ahead and stay together even if it is long distance for a little while but he's hoping to relocate here in october. so yeah, life is really good right now. however he's going home in a couple days and it's going to to suck hardcore.
|
|
|
[26 Jul 2004|02:39am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 creative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
roseanne on tv. |
] |
|
|
| things |
[12 Dec 2003|05:45am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
crappy |
] |
well not much going on...
school today - math final
working on homework saturday
choir thing on sunday. (we're still not really prepared)
monday and tuesday school and tests
wednesday finals and sitting at home
thursday finals then sitting at home i'll probably continue working on my story...
then friday lots of sleep and sitting around...
|
|
|
[10 Dec 2003|06:53am] |
|
because this journal will soon be friends only please post a comment if you want to be added to or want to remain on my friends list.
|
|
|
[09 Dec 2003|06:27am] |
|
this journal will soon be going friends only... SORRY HOLLI :(
|
|
|
[05 Dec 2003|08:29am] |
|
i want crayons!
|
|
|
[05 Dec 2003|06:17am] |
you are darkslateblue
#483D8B |
Your dominant hue is blue, making you a good friend who people love and trust. You're ok in social situations and don't really care about fiting in.
Your saturation level is medium - You're not the most decisive go-getter, but you can get a job done when it's required of you. You probably don't think the world can change for you and don't want to spend too much effort trying to force it.
Your outlook on life can be bright or dark, depending on the situation. You are flexible and see things objectively.
| | the spacefem.com html color quiz |
|
|
|
[03 Dec 2003|06:51am] |
1. The happiest?
I’d have to say Audrey (from BWOC) she seems pretty happy despite her angry side
2. The most depressed and unhappy with life?
meara (original then pirates back to original) she hates her life and jumps at the chance to follow letters from some one she has never met
3. Easily gets angry?
audrey. She seems all nice but she has a really quick temper. And Celeste won’t hesitate to pull a knife on you if you piss her off
4. Would rather be alone most of the time?
cassandra is a loner. She is suspicious when anyone wants to befriend her.
5. Annoying as hell?
Rhett (ray-et). Rhe worries far too much
6. Just a complete @$$hole?
lilith is a bitch
7. would jump in front of a bullet to save a friend?
Audrey she loves the friends she found and would do anything to save them
brian and Addia
8. Shy and not very talkative?
celeste she is by far the most talkative.
9. Full of themselves?
lilith
10. Always ready for a fight?
audrey celest cassandra
11. Would find the best way to avoid a fight?
sandra (not Cassandra) rhe
12. Needs company 24/7?
rhe
13. Loves the sound of their own voice?
addia
14. Tries to be the leader of the pack?
meara, cassandra
15. Wanting revenge?
none of them really want revenge
Part 2
1. Who is your main character?
I’m not really working on them but I would have to say Meara, Audrey, and Celeste
2. Who are his/her best friend/s?
Meara: Rhett, Addia, and Brian
Aundrey: Becca Merton Tommy Lori
Celeste: the closest thing she ever had to a friend was Nicolo
3. Does he/she have a GF/BF/married?
Meara: brian eventually (I moved away from it being a pirates fan fic)
Audrey: Merton
Celeste: she fell for Nathaniel
4. Does he/she have a rival?
Meara: yes but I got writers block on who
Audrey: I can’t remember the xisang’s name
Celeste: Lilith
5. Does your main char represent the r/l you?
Not really. A lot of them have certain aspects of my personality and some of them are what I wish I could be but the only one that really represents me is Audrey
6. What character are you really proud you created?
I’m very proud of Audrey and Celeste.
7. Do you think about your chars a lot?
all the time they are always yakking away in my head
8. Do you ever wish you could meet your chars in r/l?
hell yeah
9. Do you remember the moment you created your first char?
well I had been thinking them up for years but the first one I put down on paper was Audrey. I had a basic idea of her but as the annual Disney marathon sally and I stayed up until 3 or 4 in the morning talking about our characters that’s when Audrey really came to life and that’s when sally and I realized we really think alike because our characters were so similar they ended up being related.
10. Is originality important to you when creating a character?
I don’t mind getting ideas from other peoples characters before you create yours, but originality is good!
11. Do you ever look at somebody's character and wish it was yours?
no. sometimes I envy my friends way with words but I’ve never wished one of their characters was mine.
12. Can you see yourself keeping this up in the future?
yes. I’ll be writing forever.
|
|
|
[21 Nov 2003|06:15am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
somewhere to belong |
] |
last night was the first stressless night i've had i a long while. i go a letter from my dad i was happy because i was starting to think that he wouldn't write back. so i need to write him another letter. he says he would love to read any of my writing. now comes the hard part i don't know what to send him. i found out that my oldest sister cindy thinks my poetry is scary...
is my poetry scary... i really want to know...
so yeah. i've go to gather what i want to send to him.
only 18 hours until GOTHIKA!
|
|
| a day off |
[20 Nov 2003|06:15am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
crappy |
] |
so yesterday i didn't go to school. that probably wasn't smart and i forgot to call anyone and ask what happened. oh well. basically i wasn't coping real well with the fact the my policy essay (which is crap by the way) my 3 body pragraphs for tess and 3 explications are due today. so i managed to get the 2 essays done yesterday. i ended up writing my ENTIRE tessay hence the reason my explications aren't done. i did one of them last night but the started to get tired so i just said fuck it i'll do the other two in the morning. i feel a little less stressed out right now. which is good because tuesday night there was this whole episode where i had a crying nervous breakdown. that's never happened to me before. i've never been so stressed that it made me cry... but hey there's a first time for everything right...
|
|
|
[18 Nov 2003|06:06am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
crappy |
] |
I’m still not really ok. I want to peel away my skin as a distraction from everything else or to fly away from my body so I can feel free. I want to be comfortable in my own skin. I kind of have the same problem of not being able to tell people how I really feel not so much because I might come off as a bitch but because I might sound stupid or I might make the problem worse. But basically I feel really excluded from everything (and from a lot of people too.) I don’t know if it’s just me or what. Lately it might seem like I’m isolating myself but I don’t mean to. I guess it just feels like something in the group has changed and I don’t know what… on the other hand it may just be some weird feeling I’m having and it’ll go away…
|
|
|
[14 Nov 2003|03:36pm] |
|
I seriously hate my fucking life right now. I fear that my mom was right I am too stupid to be taking AP classes and although I chose to take them on my own I fear I was wrong. When I look at the people in my class I realize that it’s a whole different world. I’m one of a very few who moved up from regular and I feel that although I’m there I’m still on the outside. I’m worried most about government. I tool AP government because I love government. I’m sitting at a 72% right now and I see myself failing this semester and then I won’t graduate. I’m not being dramatic. This policy project is going to screw me over. I’m completely confused about what’s going on. And no one I ask can give me the answers. And I’m pretty sure that no one is going to be willing to help me write the essay because I’m so confused. I don’t think I can BS my way through this one. My study group fell apart which sucks I really do need someone to study with because on my own it’s just too easy for me not to do it. I’m writing this down in computer app (to type up later) and I’m trying really hard not to cry at the possibility of failing but it’s hard and every so often tears escape. I’ll be the shame of my family if I don’t graduate. My mom is already so disappointed with me and since my dad failed he expects greatness from me. I don’t want to disappoint them more. My only question is will my mom and dad still love me if I don’t graduate?
|
|
|
[11 Nov 2003|04:53pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
NOTHING ELSE MATTERS |
] |
i have to finish reading tess
i have to pic a thesis
i have to study for the tess test
i have to write an essay
i have to have my information on my congressman
i have to go in early to make up my test
i have to find my first half of the test
i have to get my quotes
i have to get the spark notes
i have to write a desent story
i have to stop being mad at my self
i have to stop hating my self
i have to stop freaking out
i have to stop wishing i could quit
i have to stop weighing my self all the time
i have to stop worring about what's going on
i have to stop beating myself up
i have to stop being such a fucking failure
i have to pick a college
i have to pick a life career
i have to pick a path
i have to crush my unattainable dreams
i have to wake up
i have to look reality in the face
i have to stop dreaming
i have to stop wishing
i have to stop hoping
i have to stop wondering if anyone even sees it
i just wish that maybe someone would call me for once. just to say hi or to ask how i'm doing. because as of right now i'm just...
not ok...
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
element_v's journal
